“No, no, no!” said the penguin, “I suffer from Seasonal
Affective Disorder!”
“Surprise! Surprise! That’s not my ear canal either!”
Oh no! The leak is coming from the Global Positioning
Satellite System again!
“Mommy Mommy,” Little Johnny replied, “is that why the
soufflé is burnt?”
“Tokyo?” Said the nun, “You fool, I said take the hoe!”
And then my dad farted and it […]
Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop
stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a
book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for
fun. They then landed, to survey the damage they caused.
The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and
holding a book. Then […]
The Geography of a Woman
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or
Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally
beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or
Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open
to trade especially with countries with […]
What is black and white and green and black and white?
Two nuns fighting over a sweaty pickle.
What is black and white and grinds up and down, up and
down?
A nun churning butter.
What is black and white and screams “YES! YES! YES!”
A nun winning at BINGO.
What is black and white and pink and hard?
A nun stopping, lifting […]
Whats another name for a push-up bra?
False advertisement.
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, “Dad, I
heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What
is a vagina, and what does it look like?”
“Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened
rose.”
“Wow, what does it look like after sex?”
“Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?”
A husband said to his wife, “I will take a photo of your
breasts and frame it .” The wife said to her husband, “I will take a photo of
your penis and enlarge it.”
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and
he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and
said, “Hello ladies!”
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be opened by the time she brings it to
you!
The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance
level workers is basketball.
The game of choice for frontline workers is football.
The game of choice for middle management is tennis.
The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.
Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are,
the smaller your balls are.