Shopping Jokes

What is your name?

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.”
“Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses. “How in hell does that fit in here?” So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the […]

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Mom buy’s her present

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. “This year,” she says, “I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me.” The daughter nods in agreement. “And I think this fur coat would be perfect too.”
The daughter […]

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Convenience Store

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, “Do you have any small note-books?”
“Sorry,” says the manager. “We’re all out.”
The woman shrugs, and asks, “Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?”
“Nope, don’t have that either,” says the manager.
The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, “Do you have […]

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Shopping for a dress

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking
it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her, she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about
everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enough and […]

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Exchange

The teenager approached the sales clerk in the dress shop with a large bag. “My mother likes this outfit — may I exchange it?

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Shoe Repair

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair […]

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Don’t Have Any

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, “Do you have any small notebooks?”
“Sorry,” says the manager. “We’re all out.”
The woman shrugs, and asks, “Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?”
“Nope, don’t have that either,” says the manager.
The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, “Do you have […]

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Goodbye, mother!

Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him.
“Pardon me,” she said. “I’m sorry if I’ve been staring, but you look just like me son who died recently.
“I’m sorry for […]

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Chicago Cab Driver

On a visit to Chicago, I was eager to visit a posh department store about a dozen blocks from our hotel.
My husband obligingly hailed a cab.
“The lady wants to go to Neiman Marcus,” he told the driver.
The cabby looked over his shoulder at us.
“And the gentleman?” he asked, “Does he want to go to the […]

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Shopping

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked
something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, “You know, if we really mess this up, we’ll never
have to do it again.”

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