A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote
“Revelation 3:20″ on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering […]

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?”
The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”

First god created earth, then he rested…
Then he created man, then he rested…
Then he created women and no one has rested since!

Why did the 49ers hire two nuns and a prostitute?
They wanted two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven.
The gatekeeper at the gate to heaven says, ”There are too many people in heaven so you have to pass this quiz to get in.”
Forrest Gump says, ”Okay.”
The gatekeeper says, ”First question: What two days of the week begin with T?”
Gump replies, ”That’s easy. Today […]

A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?”
“Both son. God is both.”
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?”
“Both son, both.”
“Daddy, does God love children?”
“Yes son, he loves all children.”
The child returns a few minutes later and says, “Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?”

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, ‘Mike, you wait here, I’m going to run in for confession, it’s been a long time’.
Pat enters the confessional and says,’ Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman’.
The priest asks, ‘was it Mrs Murphy’? ‘no, Father’, […]

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. […]

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.
When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, “Who are all those men in the pictures?”
The usher replied, “Why, those are our boys who died in the […]

Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”
Now Arthur gets […]