The Redneck Oil Change Checklist
1. Go to O’Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O’Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink […]
You might be a reneck if…
The directions to your bathroom include, “Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed.”
You’re in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.
You’ve ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.
Your old car is now […]
You might be a reneck if…
The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You’ve ever […]
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?”
“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the […]
You might be a redneck if ”Bambi” made you hungry for rabbit!
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone.
Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her. […]
Kathy had just become a widow and needed to put an obituary in the paper about her late husband, Bubba.
She called the newspaper and asked, “how much to put an obituary in the paper?”
“The cost is $0.50 per word,” said the newspaper editor.
“Fine, please print “Bubba died.”
The startled newspaper editor explained […]
Jon and Amanpreet, both farmers, met at the state fair.
“Tell me,” asked Jon, “what did you give your mule when he had the colic?”
“Turpentine,” ‘Preet answered.
A few months after the fair, they meet up again. “Say, Lizard Pecker, WHAT did you say you gave your mule when he was sick with colic?” […]
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator.
Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”
The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?”
There was a long pause. Finally, Bubba replied, “Tell you […]
Three men, one German, one Japanese and a hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. “That was my pager, “he said, “I have a micro chip under the skin of my arm.”
A few […]