Police Jokes

Farmer Loses 2025 Pigs!

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand. The data is later entered later by a into their database by a clerk.
One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the clerk called the farmer directly.
“Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?” […]

Continue Reading Farmer Loses 2025 Pigs!...

Driving with Penguins

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo.
The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty […]

Continue Reading Driving with Penguins...

Bring her back

One day, a man who had just turned 50 retired from his job. It was his birthday, and he was waiting for his surprise party from his wife when he got home. As he walked into his house, ther was no one there. He looked around and found a not laying on the counter. It […]

Continue Reading Bring her back...

An Old Man’s Woes

An sad, old man sitting was sitting on a park bench when along came a police officer.
The officer asked the old man why he was so upset.
The old man replied, “Every morning I wake up with a wonderful 20 year old blonde. She cooks great meals including sausage, and bacon and everything I love. Then […]

Continue Reading An Old Man’s Woes...

Constipated

A Polak was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the Pole complained to the doctor that they didn’t produce the desired results.
“Have you been taking them regulary?” the doctor asked.
“What do you think I’ve been doing,” the Pole said, “Shoving them up my butt?”

Continue Reading Constipated...

Stop the drunk driver

A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.He walks up to the drivers window and asks, “You drinkin’?”The driver said, “You buyin’?”

Continue Reading Stop the drunk driver...

A prisoner with skills

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one […]

Continue Reading A prisoner with skills...

Blonde avoiding trees

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.”Mam, is there a reason that you’re weaving all over the road”?The woman replied, “Oh officer, thank goodness you’re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. […]

Continue Reading Blonde avoiding trees...

You’re in big trouble

|John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, “Is there a problem, Officer?””No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you’re going to do with the […]

Continue Reading You’re in big trouble...

Swerve to avoid a box

|Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain […]

Continue Reading Swerve to avoid a box...