Wife: “I just lost ten pounds!”
Husband: “Turn around, I think I found them”.

Wife: “Give me some money. I want to buy a bra”.
Husband: “Why? You have nothing to put in it!”
Wife: “Well, You wear shorts!”

A snail walks into a bar and the bartender kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman “What did you do that for?”

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other “Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?”
The other one says “No, It doesn’t worry me, I’m a horse!”.

Doctor: “I have good news and bad. The good is you have 24 hours to live.”
Patient: “Oh no! then what’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I forgot to call you yesterday.”

A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.

Doctor to patient: “’You are very sick”.
Patient: “Can I get a second opinion?”.
Doctor: “Yes, you are very ugly too”.

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What Men Know About Women
Q: What did God say after creating man?
A: I can do better.

Kid: “dad, I got a role in the school play, I play a man who’s been married for twenty years”.
Father: “That’s great son. One day you’ll get a speaking part”.