You’re running out of clean clothes and the robe saves on laundry.
The church is usually crowded and you want to make sure you always have a seat.
You’ve just been selected for jury duty and you want to get use to sitting with a large group of people.
The collection plate is never passed to the choir.
There’s […]

If you throw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?
Who cares?

A band director named Ravelli was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, and performance simply didn’t improve.
Finally, before the whole band, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give […]

All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes.
Mary Had A Little Lamb
3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321 or
3212333, 222, 133, 3212333322321
Jingle Bells
333, 333, 39123, 666-663333322329, 333, 333, 39123, 666-6633, 399621
Frere Jacques
1231, 1231, 369, 369, 9*9631, 9*9631, 111, 111
Olympic Fanfare
3-9-91231, 2222-32112312, 3-9-91231, 2222-32112321
The Butterfly Song
963, 23621, […]

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, “I can do that!”
Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?
A: Bach in the saddle […]

Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?
A: A new age song.
Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards?
A: You get your job and your wife back.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover?
A: When they even put […]

Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!
Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?
A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!
Q: How many conductors does it take to change a […]

Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
A: He can’t find the key and doesn’t know when to come in.
Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman?
A: Stage makeup.
Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds […]

Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
A: The bow is moving.
Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Sit in the back and don’t play.
Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.
Q: What […]

Q: What is a chord?
A: Three violists playing in unison.
Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto?
A: Music Minus One.
Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.
Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of […]