The doctor says to a man “I’m sorry, sir, but the test results have come back a tad inconclusive. Your wife could have either AIDs or Alzheimer’s. We’re not sure which”.
The man replies, “Oh my God! That’s awful! What should I do?”
The doctor says, “Take her down into the city centre and leave her there. […]

A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened.
“Well,” says the man, “I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting […]

A ninety year old woman had just lost her husband of sixty five years. She decided she could not bare to be alone and would take her life. So she made an appointment with her doctor. In the exam room she asked her doctor where exactly her heart was. The doctor answered just below your […]

The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at […]

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible […]

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m a dog.
Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I’m not allowed up on the couch!
Doctor, Doctor You’ve got to help me - I just can’t stop my hands shaking!
Doc: Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor Have you got […]

One day, a guy with a horrible stuttering problem went to his doctor.
“D-d-d-docter, is t-t-t-there anything t-t-that you c-c-c-can do for my stuttering?”
“Hop on to the table, and I’ll give you an exam.”
After the physical was over, the doctor told his patient that he thought he knew what the cause of his problem was.
“It seems […]

An elderly woman goes to the doctor. She says, “Doc, it’s terrible, I pass gas all the time. Fortunately, it’s odorless and silent, otherwise I’d be mortified. For example, I’ve passed gas ten times just since we’ve been talking, but it’s odorless and silent so you can’t tell.” The doctor gives her some green pills […]

Actual writings on hospital charts by Doctors:
1. She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day […]

A man with stomach trouble wanted to try the newly introduced automated diagnosis machine at the shopping centre. He inserted his credit card an a urine sample as instructed, waited 30 seconds and then read the printout: “You have a tennis elbow”. The man was impressed, but at the same time annoyed as his arms […]