I bought my wife a mood ring the other day.
When she’s in a good mood, it turns green.
When she’s in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on my forehead!

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

The newlyweds entered the elevator of their Miami Beach hotel. The operator, a magnificent blonde, looked at them in surprise and said, “Why, hello, Teddy, how are you?”
A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room, when the piqued bride demanded: “Who was that woman?!”
“Take it easy, honey,” said the groom, “I’m going to […]

Henry and his over-developed wife were sitting in the stands waiting for the football game to begin. A friend walked over, said, “Hello Henry,” gave Henry’s wife’s breast a little squeeze and walked away.
A few minutes later another guy walked over, said, “Hello Henry,” then, he too, fondled his wife’s breasts and walked on.
This strange […]

A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and decided to take her to dinner. He called his wife to tell her that he had to “work late” and she said, “no problem.”
After dinner they went back to her apartment and had mad sex for hours. On the way home he noticed […]

Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help” on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me” on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of course, this will only work if he must kneel with back to congregation […]

1. Eating Mexican food is not the cause of gonorrhea.
2. There is no need for dice in role playing.
3. Intercourse doesn’t happen on a highway.
4. If you engage in oral sex first, it’s not called a head start.
5. If she says she’s into “bondage,” don’t show her your financial portfolio.
6. You can lie down during […]

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you’ve got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.
“She’s not there […]

A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by wind, hail and lightening. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and they’re all going to die.
A woman jumps up and yells “I can’t take this anymore!. I just can’t sit here […]

Well, there was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.”
“Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”
“I know,” […]