Harold’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asked, “Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?”
Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, “Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty […]

What’s the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity
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What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
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What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
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What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.
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Why is it so hard for women […]

A man and a woman, who have never before met, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep early and quickly…he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At:1:00 AM, he leans over […]

(No offense intended or implied)
1) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3) You know stuff about tanks.
4) A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5) Monday Night Football.
6) You don’t have to monitor your friends’ sex lives.
7) Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your […]

Compliment her,
         Cuddle her,
         Kiss her,
         Caress her,
         Love her,
         Stroke her,
         Tease her,
         Comfort her,
         Protect her,
         Hug her,
         Hold her,
         Spend money on her,
         Wine & dine her,
         Buy things for her,
         Listen to her,
         Care for her,
         Stand by her,
         Support her,
         Go to the ends of the earth for her…. 
            
     HOW […]

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened
upon a frog in a pond. the frog said to the princess, “i was once a handsome
prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. one kiss from you and i will turn
back into a prince and we can marry, move into the castle with […]

Q. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A. She knows she’s given her last blowjob.

Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the
urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob’s standing there, taking care of business,
he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak. Bob finishes
and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being […]

Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

How Dogs and Women Are Alike
Both look stupid in hats.
Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
Both tend to have “hip” problems.
Neither understands football.
Both look good in a fur coat.
Both are good at pretending that they’re listening to every word you say.
Neither believes that silence is golden.
Both constantly want back rubs.
Neither can balance […]