A drunken Irishman gets on a train and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork.
“About two hours,” says the conductor.
“Okay,” says the drunkard, “then how long is the trip between Cork to Limerick?”
The irate conductor says to the drunk “It’s still about two hours, laddie. Why’d ya […]
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he commented, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”
“My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”
“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.
“Then in July,” the friend continued, “my father died, leaving me $50,000.”
“Wow. Two […]
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy.
“What the heck are you doing ?” he asks the drunk.
“I’m looking for my car, and I can’t find it.” he replies.
“So how […]
Two fellows have been at the bar now for quite a while, downing several mugs with abandon. They both look at the far end of the bar, in the direction of an unattractive woman who came in a while back.
The first fellow looks back at the second fellow and says, “Ya know, that woman is […]
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he […]
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”
“My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.”
“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.
“Then in September,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $90,000.”
“Wow. Two […]
John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.”
Just then […]
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?”
“A mongoose.”
“What for?”
“Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. That’s why I […]
A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You’ve got great hair!” The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.
A minute later, he heard the […]
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.
The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The […]