A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ”None, they all fly away with the first gun shot”
The teacher replies “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Then Little Johnny […]

The elderly man told his wife he was going to sign up for social security. She says, ‘You can’t do that, you lost your birth certificate.’
He says, ‘Oh I’ll talk them into it.’So when he returns the next day, he is all smiles and says, ‘I’m all signed up and no problems.’ ‘
Well, how did […]

I have an earache.

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2003 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat […]

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ”Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband — he thinks he’s a refrigerator!””I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” the doctor replies. ‘Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.”
”But you don’t understand,” the woman insists. ”He sleeps with his mouth open, and the […]

Whats another name for a push-up bra?
False advertisement.

A Polish man was taking a flight on a commercial airliner. The airliner had 4 engines, which is quite normal. About an hour into the flight, a loud BOOM occurred.
The flight attendant came over the intercom and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown an engine, but there is no need to worry. We still […]

A blonde goes into a library and says, “Hello. I’m here to see the doctor.”The librarian replies, “This is a library.”
So the blonde lowers her voice and says, “Oh sorry!” Then whispers, “I’m here to see the doctor.”

It was mailman George’s last day on the job after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.At the second house they presented […]

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation. Cowboy: “Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?”Indian: “Dog no talk.”
Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”
Dog: “Doin’ alright.”
Indian:( Look of shock )
Cowboy:”Is this Indian your owner?” ( Pointing […]

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?He sold his soul to Santa.