College Jokes

FUN THINGS FOR PROFESSORS ON FIRST DAY OF CLASS

1. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours. 2. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student’s name, rank, and serial number. 3. Tell students that you’ll fail them if they cheat on exams or […]

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DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that […]

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DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that […]

Continue Reading DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?...

Repaint

Once there was a pastor, and he wanted to paint his church. But all he had was one bucket of paint. So he got a bunch of buckets and some water, and he thinned the paint enough to cover the entire church. Then he spent all day painting.That night it rained, washed all the paint […]

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TRUST ME… I’M A LAWYER

Lawyer: “Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence.” Judge: “And what is the nature of the new evidence?” Lawyer: “Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left.”

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Which tire was flat?

High school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said: “Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper.” Still smiling, she waited […]

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NO comet

Called to the scene of a magnificent celestial display, the professor watched as a bright object dashed through the skies over New Mexico. When he returned to his observatory, reporters asked him if what he had seen was really a UFO.Looking them straight in the eye, the impassive scientist replied, ?No comet

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You tell me

Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took […]

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Sin and Shame

Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame? A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.

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PROFESSOR’S LOGIC

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God’s existence. The professor presented the following logic:”Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke.”Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody spoke.”Has anyone in this class seen God?” When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, “Then […]

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