Clinton Jokes

The Adventures of Bill Clinton

It’s Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House.
Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings.
[President Bill]
Hello! Hello!
[Voice on the line]
President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United States!
[President Bill]
Oh no!!!
He said he […]

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Candidate Clinton vs. President Clinton

Candidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class
President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them
Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security
President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits
Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts
President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases
Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the ability to raise $45 billion by […]

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Clinton Saved from Drowning

Q: How do you keep Alec Baldwin from drowning?
A1: You take your foot off his head.
A2: Get the lead out of his ass.
A3: Chisel the concrete off his feet. 

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Jerry Ford and Al Gore

What do Jerry Ford and Al Gore have in common?
They both got promoted because of crooked dicks.     

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Famous psychic recently predict for Monica Lewinsk

What did a famous psychic recently predict for Monica Lewinsky?
You will go down in history. 

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Clinton still maintains he was not lying

Clinton still maintains he was not lying . . . he was standing and she was
kneeling.

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Monica go to work at the Pentagon

Why did Monica go to work at the Pentagon?
She developed a taste for seamen in the White House.

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Monica make a good spy

Why wouldn’t Monica make a good spy?
Because she spits everything out when the debriefing’s done.

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Bill’s new pick up line

What’s Bill’s new pick up line?
“Would you be interested in a position under the president?”

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New favorite game at the White House

What’s the new favorite game at the White House?
Swallow the leader.

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