Little Johnny and her mother were out and about. Little Johnny, out of the blue, asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?” The mother responded, “Honey, women dont talk about their age. Youll learn this as you get older.
Little Johnny then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weight?” Her mother responded again, “Thats another […]
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55
mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at
him and says, “Honey, I know weve been married for 15 years,
but, I want a divorce.”
The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60
mph.
She then says, “I dont want you to try to talk […]
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball dont knock out any windows. Itll cost us a fortune to fix.”
The wife teed up and shanked it right through the […]
A very handsome and even more confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and cant help but ask, “Is your date running late?”
“No,” he replies, “I just bought […]
A guy walked into a restaurant and asked for some broccoli. The waiter said, Sorry, theres no broccoli.
So the man asked for a meat pie and broccoli. The waiter said, “There is no broccoli.”
So he asked for a meat pie, chips, and broccoli. The waiter replied, Spell cat, as in catastrophe.
C-A-T, the man answered.
The waiter […]
Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions.
The first guy says, “My favorite position is the rodeo position.”
“What is the rodeo position, and how do you do that?” asks the second man.
The first guy explains, “Well, first you tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours, and then you […]
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Ill bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye.”
The bartender agrees to take the bet, so the man removes his glass eye, puts the eye in his mouth, and bites it.
“Thats not fair,” says the bartender., “How was I to know you […]
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, “Thats quite a heavy drink. Whats the problem?”
After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, “I found my wife in bed with my best friend.”
Wow,” says the barkeep., “What did you do about it?”
“I walked over […]
A husband is at home watching a football game when his Wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? Its been flickering for weeks now.”
He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I dont think so.”
“Well […]
Three men, an American, a Russian, and a Puerto Rican, are standing on a bridge. The Russian removes a bottle of vodka from his coat, takes a sip, and then throws the bottle over the bridge.
The Puerto Rican asks, “Why did you do that? That was perfectly good bottle of vodka!”
The Russian replies, “Theres plenty […]