Category Archives: Shopping Jokes

Shoe Repair

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair… Read More »

A teenage girl at the perfume counter…

A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees, “My Sin”, “Desire”, and “Ecstasy”. She says to the salesperson, “I don’t want to get emotionally involved…I just want to smell nice.”

No UPC

I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those “Dividers” that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn’t get mixed. After the girl… Read More »

Shopping Frenzy

I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead. ‘That,’ he sighed, ‘must be her checking out now.’

Now, now Ellen

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies, and her mother told her “no.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the… Read More »

Shopping

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, “You know, if we really mess this up, we’ll never have to do it again.”

Chicago Cab Driver

On a visit to Chicago, I was eager to visit a posh department store about a dozen blocks from our hotel. My husband obligingly hailed a cab. “The lady wants to go to Neiman Marcus,” he told the driver. The cabby looked over his shoulder at us. “And the gentleman?” he asked, “Does he want… Read More »

Goodbye, mother!

Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said. “I’m sorry if I’ve been staring, but you look just like me son who died recently. “I’m… Read More »

Don’t Have Any

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, “Do you have any small notebooks?” “Sorry,” says the manager. “We’re all out.” The woman shrugs, and asks, “Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?” “Nope, don’t have that either,” says the manager. The woman feels her stomach rumbling and… Read More »