There was this motel where this guy came in to rent a room. A few minutes later he comes out and tells the clerk ” Man can you give me another room the flies are awful”.
Some time later this redneck comes in and the clerk says to himself,I think I”ll give the room with the flies to the redneck.
All went well till redneck’s time to checkout the clerk asked “how was every thing?”
The redneck replied “Ok expect for the flies they were a bother till I grouped them.”
“You grouped them, What do you mean?”
“I took a dump in the corner.”
Thanks to P.J. Vincent
Q: Why is it so difficult to take a group photo of a bunch of West Virginians?
A: Because everytime the photographer yells “Cheese!” they all line up!’
Q: What do you get when you stick 32 rednecks in one room?
A: A full set of teeth
You might be a redneck if one of your kids was born on a pool table!
Artery: Study of paintings
Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium: What to do when treatment fails
Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U
Ceasarean Section: District in Rome
Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Coma: Punctuation Mark
D & C: Where Washington is
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Hang Nail: Coat Hook
Impotent: Distinguished, well known
Labor pain: Hurt at work
Morbid: Higher offer
Nitrate: Cheeper than day
Node: Was aware of
Outpatient: Person fainted
Post op: Letter Carrier
Recovery Room: Place to apholster
Rectum: Dang near Killed Him
Secretion: Hiding something
Tablet: Small table
Terminal Illness: Sick at Airport
Tibia: Country in North Africa
Tumor: More than One
Urine: Opposite of ‘you’re out’
You might be a redneck if you use your ironing board as a buffet table.
You might be a redneck if you learned to drive in a monster truck!
You might be a redneck if you are working at a welfare office and are arrested for stealing food stamps.
You might be a redneck if you think a woman who is ”out of your league” bowls on a different night!
You might be a redneck if you spit chewing tobacco in the plants!
The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.
89% of the people in 49 states said: ”Oh, shit!”
In Texas 94% said: ”Hold my beer. Watch this.”
If somebody accuses you of lying through your tooth, you might be a redneck.
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, “You’re right,that ‘hind-lick’ maneuver works like a charm.”
How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
Three. One to eat it, and two to watch for cars.