Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general
practitioner looks at it and says, “Looks like a duck, flies like a duck… it’s
probably a duck,” shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.
The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks
through the pages of a bird manual, and says, “Hmmmm…Green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound…might be a duck.” He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.
A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, “Go see if that was a duck.”
Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?
Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him now. Next.
A man working at a lumberyard is pushing a tree through a saw when he accidentally shears off all then of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency room of a nearby hospital where the awaiting doctor takes a look and says, “Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and I’ll see what I can do.” “I haven’t got the fingers.” The doctor says, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers? This is the age of medical advances. We’ve got microsurgery and all sorts of incredible techniques! Why didn’t you bring me the fingers?” “Well, heck doc, I tried, but I couldn’t pick ‘em up!”
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had
prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
‘’Doctor, the hormones you’ve been giving me have really helped, but I’m
afraid that you’re giving me too much. I’ve started growing hair in places that I’ve never grown hair before.’’
The doctor reassured her, ‘’A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?’’
‘’On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about…,’’ replied the lady.
How can you tell if you have a moron computer operator working for you?
Answer: Find the computer operator using white out on the monitor trying to erase the mistakes.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m a schizophrenic
And so am I.
“Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm!”
“Are you doing anything for it?”
“Doctor! My wife has lost her voice. What can I do to help her get it back?”
“Try coming home at 3 in the morning.”
A lady with a frog stuck to her head comes to the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked her what’s wrong the frog says, “I got something stuck to my ass!”
After a visit to the doctor, a man returns home and tells his wife he has
approximately six hours left to live. Of course, they go straight to bed and have some amazing, athletic sex. Half an hour later, the man asks his wife if they can have sex again. They do, and it’s even more vigorous and ferocious sex.
An hour later, the man asks his wife for sex again, and they have a
ball-busting, rib-breaking round of sex. An hour later, the man wants it again.
“No way,” says the wife. “I have to get up in the morning. You don’t.”
The Chief Executive of an HMO died and was very relieved that he got into
heaven. Of course, he had to check out after 48 hours…
You’re so ugly that when you were born, the doctor slapped yo’ mama!
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. And then he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room. So now he was completely naked in the halls of the headquarters of the most powerful military organization on the planet. And he felt pretty ridiculous.
Getting an idea, he walked naked and purposefully through the corridors until he reached the Research & Development laboratory. He walked in and saluted the Head Scientist.
“I am here to report the partial success of the personal invisibility