10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures.
9. Is overly enthusiastic about ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ and other role playing games.
8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture.
7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up.
6. Says ‘Whom’ instead of ‘Who.’
5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they can continue with their learning.
4. Prefers NPR to any music.
3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about.
2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game.
1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.

One day a boy asked his mother for 100 dollars to buy a toy. She said NO. So he wrote a letter to GOD asking for a 100 dollars. When the letter got to the post office they figured that GOD meant the president. So they sent the letter to the white house. The president read it and just to be nice sent the boy 10 dollars. The boy was very excited for getting the money. He wrote a thank you letter back to GOD that read: “Thank you GOD for the money. I see that you had to send the letter through the white house and as usual those thiefing basterds taxed 90%”

Little Jimmy bit his fingernails all the time. His parents tried everything to get him to stop, but to no avail. Finally, his mother, exasperated, decided to tell him a little white lie to get him to stop.

“Jimmy,” she said, “You’d better stop biting your fingernails. If you don’t, then those fingernails will pile up inside your stomach and soon your stomach will be huge and full of fingernails.” Jimmy, worried about the idea of fingernails in his stomach, agreed to stop.

The next day, Jimmy and his mom were shopping in a supermarket. They went to check out, and a pregnant woman was waiting in line in front of them. Jimmy beamed at the pregnant woman and said, “I know what YOU’VE been doing….”

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer
in public schools.

“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s
lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next
twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.”

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer,cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.
Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad
replied,”Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you,
wasn’t it, son?” The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”

The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in that cherry tree.”

Little melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of valentine’s day. “since valentine’s day is for a christian saint and we’re jewish,” she asks, “will god get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?”

melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says “no, i don’t think god would get mad. who do you want to give a valentine to?”

“osama bin laden,” she says.

“why osama bin laden?” her father asks in shock.

“well,” she says, “i thought that if a little american jewish girl
could have enough love to give osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. and if other kids saw what i did and sent valentines to osama, he’d love everyone a lot. and then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.! ”

her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. “melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing i’ve ever heard.”

“i know,” melissa says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the marines could blow the s*** out of him.”

A little girl and her mother were out and about. Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?” The mother responded, “Honey, women
don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.” The girl then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?” Her mother responded again, “That’s another thing women don’t talk about. You’ll learn this, too, as you grow up.”
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, “Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?” The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, “Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don’t want to talk about it now.” The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend’s house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother’s conversation. The girlfriend said, “All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother’s driver’s license. It’s just
a like a report card from school. It tells you everything.” Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again. The little girl started off with, “Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You’re 32 years old.” The mother was very shocked. She asked, “Sweetheart, how do you know that?” The little girl shrugged and said, “I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.” “Where did you learn that?” The little girl said,
“I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an ‘F’ in sex.”

A manager in a big company needed to contact one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered voice on the first ring, “Hello?”

“Is your Daddy home?” the boss quickly asked. “Yes”, whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?” the man asked, feeling somewhat put-off by this delay. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?” “Yes”, came the answer. “May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

“Son, is there any one there besides you?” the boss impatiently asked the child. “Yes”, whispered the child, “A policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?” “No, he’s busy”, whispered the child. “Busy doing what?” asked the boss. “Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman”, came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is that noise?” “A hello-copper.”, answered the whispering voice. “What is going on there?” asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed voice the child answered, “The police just landed the hello-copper!”

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, “Why are they there?”

After a muffled giggle, the young voice replied in a very low whisper,
“They’re looking for me!”

Little Nancy was in the backyard filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the girl was up to he asks, “What are you up to there Nancy?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbour was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your f*****g cat!”