Category Archives: Female Jokes

Dead Husband

A woman goes to visit a fortune teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.” Visibly shaken,… Read More »

A Human Car Performance

Three women were talking about their love lives. The first said, “My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated.” The second said, “Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful.” The third said, “Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it’s still going.”

Car Shopping

A couple had been looking at new cars for months. He wanted a simple truck and she wanted a fast little sports car so she could zoom through traffic and look like a princess. He would have settled for almost any old truck, but everything she wanted was way out of price range. “Look!” she… Read More »

Punctuate Correctly

An English professor wrote the words, “A woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and told the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

Women Bumper Stickers

1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME. 2. IF THEY DON’T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN’T GOING. 3. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS. 4. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN … SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH. 5. DON’T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN. 6. NEXT… Read More »

Why Men Can Not Win

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it’s exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better. If you… Read More »

New Scientific Element

Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there!) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone.… Read More »

You Will Never Hear Women Say

7 What do you mean today’s our anniversary? 6. Can we NOT talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch TV. 5. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big! 4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small? 3. Aww, don’t stop for directions, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out… Read More »