Category Archives: Computer Jokes

In Bed

Woman had been married three times and was still a virgin. Somebody asked her how that could be possible. “Well,” she said. “The first time I married an octogenarian and he died before we could consummate the marriage.” “The second time I married a naval officer and war broke out on our wedding day.” “The… Read More »

Quick Guide to Programming Languages

Quick Guide to Programming Languages The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma. TASK: Shoot… Read More »

Windows Support

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: “I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer.” (Training stresses that we are “not the Software Police,” so I let the little act of piracy slide.) Tech Support: “Umm-hmm. What… Read More »

Computer Stupidity

Customer: “Hello, is this tech support?” Tech Support: “Yes, it is; what is the nature of the problem you’re having?” Customer: “I can’t seem to power this thing up.” Tech Support: “If you are unable to boot your computer, sir, I suggest you contact the manufacturer. This is Internet technical support.” Customer: “Computer?” Tech Support:… Read More »

COMPUTER PROGRAMMER CONTEST

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who in the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and began. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several… Read More »

INTERNETAHOLICS ANONYMOUS

Hello. Yes, you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary-eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At… Read More »

TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR CO-WORKER IS A COMPUTER HACKER

10) You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000. 9) He’s won the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running. 8) When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex. 7) Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down. 6) Somehow gets HBO on his PC at… Read More »

TYPES OF ICQ USERS

* SHY ICQ USER When you ask them: “Have you been connected all day?” They reply: “No! I just came in to check my E-mail!” * VIOLENT ICQ USER When you ask them: “Have you been connected all day?” They reply: “Go to hell your son-of-a-bitch!” * HYPOCRITE ICQ USER When you ask them: “Have… Read More »