It’s Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House.
Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings.
[President Bill]
Hello! Hello!
[Voice on the line]
President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United States!
[President Bill]
Oh no!!!
He said he wouldn’t do that!
That dirty, rotten jerk!
Bill slams the phone down. He goes the receiver back in the red telephone’s cradle.
President Bill grabs the briefcase next to his desk, whirls the combination locks, flings open the lid, and jabs in a series of top-secret access codes. A voice comes over the briefcase speaker.
[Voice on the line]
Mr. President, is this a drill?
[President Bill]
Listen to me.
We’re being attacked by the Russians.
Launch a full-scale response immediately.
[Voice on the line]
Are you sure, sir?
[President Bill]
Yes!!!
Fire the missiles!!!
Fire the missiles now!!!
[Voice on the line]
OK Sir, we’re launching them this minute.
[President Bill]
Thank you, son!
The speaker goes silent and President Bill collapses in his chair. Suddenly, an aid flings open the door and bursts into the room.
[Aid]
Hey Bill! Neat joke, huh?
Sounded real, didn’t it?
Attacked by the Russians! What a gag!
Hey, you want something from the kitchen, Bill?
How about a pizza or something?
Say Bill, are you OK? You look kind of pale.
You OK Bill?
Bill???

Many of people have ridden the titanic, same with Clinton, so lets call him the Clintanic.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. “I am the most beautiful person in the world,” proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. “No, you’re not”, answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. “I am the smallest person in the world,” shouted Tom Thumb. “No, you’re not,” said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. “I’ve had more lovers than any person in the world,” announced Don Juan.

“No, you haven’t” replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a
mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the
world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming “I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so.”

In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty: “I am the smallest person in the world, Merlin agrees.”
In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a
half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, “Who the hell is Bill Clinton?”

What do Bill Gates and Bill Clinton have in common?
They’re both being investigated for their GUI applications.

Know how Monica conceals evidence?
She keeps her mouth shut!

Why was Clinton yelling at Monica’s dress?
He saw a commercial that said if you have a stain, “Shout it out!

What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
“Sat on the Presidential Staff”

What were Clinton’s first words to Paula Jones at the deposition?
“So now you open your mouth!”

Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
He couldn’t give her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.

What code phrase did Betty Currie, the President’s personal secretary, use to let Clinton know Monica Lewinsky was coming down for a visit?”
“Your Jew’s harpist is here to play ‘Hail to the Chief.’”

Who’s paying for Monica’s new lawyers?
Wannabe president, Al Gore.

Why isn’t President Clinton going to bring the troops back from the Persian Gulf anytime soon?
Because there are so many husbands away from so many wives it will take him months to catch up.

What did Ms. Lewinsky was allegedly say when offered a position at the U.N?
Would that, then, be a “missionary position?”

Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President’s day?
All pants half off.