Category Archives: Business Jokes

Vending Service Reply Form

After many unhappy replies from our current vending service we decided that what they really needed was a different form letter that was more closely tied to their true feeling: ABC Vending Service Thank you for your (inquiry / comments / complaints) about our vending service. ___ We are aware that _____________ machine has not… Read More »

New element

Administratrium, The New Element AMES, IA–The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons.… Read More »

Work Break

TO ALL EMPLOYEES Due to increased competition and a keen desire to remain in business, we find it necessary to institute a new policy: EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY We are asking that somewhere between starting and quitting time and without infringing too much on the time usually devoted to lunch period, coffee breaks, rest periods, story telling,… Read More »

The Procrastinator’s Creed

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the… Read More »

Paying in advance

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. “Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “But in six years it would have been worth… Read More »

We Deliver……….

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. “Why don’t you people leave me alone?” the deli owner said. “I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed… Read More »

The boss tells some jokes

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously. “What’s the matter?” grumbled the boss. “Haven’t you got a sense of humor?” “I don’t have to laugh,” she replied. “I’m leaving Friday.”

Performance evaluation translations

Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders to date. Expresses self well: Can string two sentences together. Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike: A coward. Happy: Paid too much. Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way. Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot. Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors.… Read More »

Employee want ad translations

Energetic self-starter: You’ll be working on commission. Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law. Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this. Fast learner: You will get no training from us. Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours. Good organizational skills:… Read More »