George W. Bush was standing in an airport lobby when he noticed a man in a long flowing white robe, with long white hair and white beard. The man held a staff in one hand and had some stone tablets under his other arm.

Approaching the man, George W. inquired, “Pardon me, but aren’t you Moses?” Ignoring George W., the man stared at the ceiling.

Positioning himself more directly in the man’s view, George W. again asked, “Excuse me, aren’t you Moses?” Still the man continued staring at the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man’s sleeve and asked once more, “Aren’t you Moses?” Finally, the man responded in an aggravated tone, “Yes, I am!”

George W. then asked the man his reason for being so unfriendly and Moses replied, “The last time I spoke to a Bush, I ended up spending forty years in the desert.”

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, George W.Bush, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
“Gentlemen,” he began, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we’re about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!” With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I am the world’s greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world’s greatest athlete should have a parachute!” With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.
George W. Bush rose and said, “Gentlemen, I am supposed to be the President of the U.S. The world needs leaders, and I think leaders should have a parachute, too.” He grabbed one, and out he jumped.
The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. “My son,” he said, “I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane.”
The hippie smiled slowly and said, “Hey, don’t worry. The supposed leader of the free world just jumped out wearing my backpack.”

One night, George W. Bush was awakened by the ghost of George Washington.

Bush asked, “George, now that I have been elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?”

“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington.

The next night, Bush was awakened by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

“Tom, now that I am elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?” asked Bush.

“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” Jefferson advised.

The next night, Bush saw another figure moving in the shadows. This time it was the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

“Abe, now that I have been elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?” asked Bush.

“Go to the theatre!” Abe replied.

Al Gore and George W. Bush were seated for lunch in a Washington restaurant. The attractive waitress approached them to take their orders.

“I’ll have a ham sandwich,” said Gore.

“For you sir?” she asked Bush. “How about a quickie,” Bush replied.

“Governor!”, she exclaimed. “How rude, and to think, you’re not even President yet!”

As she stormed off, Gore leaned over the table and whispered to Bush, “George, it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

George W. Bush was standing in an airport lobby when he noticed a man in a long flowing white robe, with long white hair and white beard. The man held a staff in one hand and had some stone tablets under his other arm.

Approaching the man, George W. inquired, “Pardon me, but aren’t you Moses?” Ignoring George W., the man stared at the ceiling.

Positioning himself more directly in the man’s view, George W. again asked, “Excuse me, aren’t you Moses?” Still the man continued staring at the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man’s sleeve and asked once more, “Aren’t you Moses?” Finally, the man responded in an aggravated tone, “Yes, I am!”

George W. then asked the man his reason for being so unfriendly and Moses replied, “The last time I spoke to a Bush, I ended up spending forty years in the desert.”

Faker jet figher (faker jet fighter)…
(instrumental intro)
Shrub’s comin’ at em, with his tail hook.
Let’s give him jeers of spite; Bush is still a schnook.
The press will grovel to this man, in fear
Of his right wing mob.
But the world sees a faker jet fighter…
Faker jet fighter.
Mr. Smirk’s fake glory on TV was planned.
Of the world, Dull Knife doesn’t understand.
Dim Son is smirking: his regime’s for sale.
It’s a heady job, but the world sees
A faker jet fighter…
Faker jet fighter.
(instrumental break)
Pro-Bush crowds, Rove stages with his big spin crew.
They’ll be fighting wars ‘gainst the weakest, too.
War won’t take much longer; makes the Bushies smile.
Dr. StrangeRove found that Bush ought to be
A faker jet fighter…
Faker jet fighter.
Faker jet fighter (faker jet fighter)…
Yes, they really love him on the looney Right.
Donors making millions from Bush, overnight.
World’s trust, Bush spurned it; Bush will rule by fear.
But he’s still a fake; he’ll always be
A faker jet fighter…
Faker jet fighter…
Faker jet fighter (faker jet fighter)…
Faker jet fighter (faker jet fighter)…
Faker jet fighter (faker jet fighter)…
Faker jet fighter (faker jet fighter)…
Faker jet fighter.

Bush wants the whole world… in his hand.
Bush wants the whole wide world… in his hand.
Bush wants the whole world… in his hand.
Bush wants the whole world in his hand.
Bush wants a war for his father, understand?
Bush wants a war for his father, understand?
Bush wants a war for his father, understand?
Bush wants the whole world in his hand.
Bush wants to jail resisters, in his land.
Bush wants to jail resisters, in his land.
Bush wants to jail resisters, in his land.
Bush wants the whole world in his hand.
Bush wants to steal Iraq’s oil … from their land.
Bush wants to steal Iraq’s oil … from their land.
Bush wants to steal Iraq’s oil … from their land.
Bush wants the whole world in his hand.
Bush wants a world empire; dissent banned.
Bush wants a world empire; dissent banned.
Bush wants a world empire; dissent banned.
Bush wants the whole world in his hand.
Ignored the whole world for their stand.
Ignored the whole wide world for their stand.
Ignored the whole world for their stand.
Bush wants his war, just like he planned.

The winner in this year’s $1 million prize in the Pillsbury Bake-Off is a
Cream Cheese Brownie Pie created by Roberta Sonefeld from Hopkins, South
Carolina. This pie is so rich; George W. Bush asked it for a campaign
contribution.

During the Republican primaries, George W. Bush spent his campaign money at a rate of $200,000 a day and broke Bob Dole’s record for most money spent on an entire presidential campaign. He’s spending money so fast; a national organization of scorned women has made him an honorary ex-wife.

Thousands of people are expected for the 15th annual Burning Man festival this year in Black Rock Desert north of Reno, Nevada. This is the big hippie festival, where people run around naked, drink and get stoned, or as George W. Bush likes to call it, get ready to run for president.

Told to me by my father, who heard it from his cousin?

Gorbachev is hard at work on his country’s budget. His secretary
Knocks on the door. “Mr. Secretary, the–”

“Not now, I’m busy!”

“But…”

“Net! Come back in two hours.”

Thirty seconds later, she knocks again. “Mr. Secretary, the
Phone… you must answer it.”

“Can’t you see I’m working on the budget? I must have silence.
Have them call back tomorrow.”

“But Mr. Secretary, it’s Mr. Bush on the phone. He says he has 5
Billion dollars for you, and you don’t have to pay any of it back!”

Gorbachev smiles and picks up the phone. “Hello, Neil…”

January 20: take oath to uphold the honor and dignity of the office of
president of the united states. nudge rehnquist, ask what he’s wearing under that dress.
january 23: award presidential medal of freedom to ralph nader.
january 24: help alec baldwin pack.
january 30: memo to jeb: in your face, poindexter!
january 31: get people working on stuff.
february 3: bring democrats and republicans together.
february 4: bring peanut butter and chocolate together.
february 5: unite north, south dakota; north, south carolina; new, old
mexico.
february 7: get loaded, fail to name designated driver, don’t tell
anyone for 25 years, usher in an era of personal responsibility.
february 9: change pitch and tone of washington to something that will only annoy dogs.
february 12: replace affirmative action with affirmative access. replace medicare with med cool. replace department of transportation with department of fantabulation.
february 18: offer jeb important cabinet position, possibly
secretary of my a******.
february 20: invite nra executives into oval office to write legislation, play madden nfl 2001.
march 1-march 31: halftime!
april 1: plant flowers in rose garden: daisies?
april 7: give younger workers the opportunity to responsibly invest a portion of their payroll taxes in ebay bids.
april 9: open up yellowstone national park, the appalachian trail and
chappaqua, ny for oil exploration.
april 12: state dinner for emperor akihito of japan. does “samurai dry
cleaner” sketch.
april 15: replace soft bigotry of low expectations with hard nougat of candy.
april 18: try oval office fellatio (once or twice; what’s the harm?).

Why doesn’t Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?

Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

And here’s another! Well it’s actually an AP headline: “Philippine leader gets rare Bush dinner.” I know, I’m a twelve year-old boy, you don’t have to tell me.
I’m giggling like a schoolboy after hearing the word “titmouse”. Haha…
titmouse.

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but
unfortunately only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger says “I’m Shaquille O’Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died”. So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says “I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America’s potential future President. She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says ” I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die”. So he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten
year old schoolboy “I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute”.

The boy replies “No problem, there is also a parachute for you. America’s most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag…”

(Instrumental intro)
Shrub fibs…. piled like a mountain;
Shrub caused sickening slaughter.
New wars… his schemers’ only dream.
Shrub’s their angel… walks on water.
Flay his kind… they only offer more violent fights.
Connive like crazy, without end.
All to achieve their paradise.
Shrub’s their deceiver.
‘Cause they need more war to feed their coup;
Oil, what they’re killing for.
Shrub fibs… piled like a mountain;
Shrub caused sickening slaughter.
New wars… his schemers’ only dream.
Shrub’s their angel… walks on water.
(instrumental break)
Our troops fought… then they find out Bush don’t care at all.
He’ll leave them dying, in the end.
Blundering through Iraq, he’ll go.
Shrub’s a deceiver.
‘Cause he needs more war to feed his coup.
Oil, he’s not paying for.
Shrub fibs… piled like a mountain;
Shrub caused sickening slaughter.
New wars… his schemers’ only dream.
Shrub’s their angel… walks on water.
Shrub fibs… piled like a mountain;
Shrub caused sickening slaughter.
New wars… his schemers’ only dream.
Shrub’s their angel… walks on water.
(instrumental fade)