There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo” she shouts, “how can I get to the other side?”
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, “You are on the other side.”
A blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of “yes/no” type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the questions for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet, “Yes” for Heads and “No” for Tails. Within half-an-hour she is all done where as the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and says, “What is going on?”
“I finished the exam in half-an-hour. But I’m rechecking my answers.”
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.
“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”
The stewardess replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she cried, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, ‘Do Not Disturb’!”
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked sympathetically, “What’s the matter?”
To which the blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.”
The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl. “Why don’t you go home for the day. We aren’t terribly busy, just take the day off to relax and rest.”
The blonde very calmly states, “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.”
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. “If you need anything just let me know.”
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her asking, “What’s so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?”
“No”, exclaims the blonde, “I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that her mom died too!”
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.
When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, “Stand in that circle and DON’T MOVE!”.
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, “Oh you think that’s funny? Watch this!” He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she’s laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
“What’s so funny?” the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, “Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped outside the circle!”
At a convention of blondes, a speaker insisted that the “dumb blonde” myth is all wrong. To prove it he asked one cute young volunteer, “How much is 101 plus 20?”
The blonde answered, “120.”
“No,” he said, “that’s not right.”
The audience called out, “Give her another chance!”
So the speaker asked the blonde, “How much is 10 plus 13?”
Slowly the blonde replied, “16.”
“Sorry”, he said, shaking his head.
Once again the crowd roared, “Give her another chance.”
“This is your last try,” warned the speaker. “How much is 2 plus 2?”
Carefully she ventured, “Four?”
And the crowd yelled, “Give her another chance!”
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
There was a blonde and she really wanted to become a cop. One day she went to the police station and said she wanted to become a police officer. They said well you have to be smart to be a police officer so we’ll ask you a few questions.
“Okay” she said.
“What is 2 + 2?”, said the police officer knowing how dumb blondes always are.
“Ummm, 4″, she said hesitantly.
“Okay correct”,he said.
“What color is the sky?” “Ummm”, she though “Well many different. Usually blue but sometimes red or orange or yellow or a pretty shade of pink.”
“Correct”, the policeman said confused that she knew it. “Okay 2 more questions: What is a hare?”
She answered: “Either a hair on your head and legs or other places or it could be a rabbit!”
“Wow”, the policeman said astonished. Okay last question: Who shot Abraham Lincoln?
“Hmm” she thought, “That’s a hard one.”
Okay the officer said, I’ll let you sleep on it and you come back tomorrow with the answer.
That night she went home and had some friends over. They asked her if she got the police officer job and she said, “I think so. They put me on my first case!”
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back!
A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town.
Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, “Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are.”
The cashier leaned over the counter and said:
What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to put information into a computer once.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
The blonde works in the dark!
I deserve a first class seat.
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F.”
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.”
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T-G-I-F” again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.”
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly “T-G-I-F” another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, “S-H-I-T.”
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, “T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?”
The man answered, “Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.”