Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”

“We don’t have any.” replied the first blonde.

“Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses,” said the Game Warden.

“But officer,” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden. “Take all the debris you want.”

And with that, the Game Warden left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the other two. “Doesn’t he know that there are Steelheads in this river?”

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment
on sending women to different planets. First, They called the brunette in and
asked her a question.

“If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want? To go to and
why?”

After pondering the question she answered, “I would like to go to Mars,
because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra
terrestrial life on the planet.”

They said “well okay, thank you.” And told her that they would get back to
her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her same
question. In reply, “I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings.”
Again, “thank you” and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they
asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, “I
would like to go to the Sun.”

The people from NASA replied, “Why, don’t you know that if you went to the sun
you would burn to death?”

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. “Are you Guys dumb? I’d go at
night!”

There is a small business in a small town.
The business was about to be shut down so the boss was giving a motivational speech so they would’t lose the business. “Only I have the key to success, and I want to share with you so let’s get out there and make sure this business stays open!” He finished everyone clapped including his blonde secretary.
So at the next day at work when the boss took his coat off and put his keys in the box everyone puts there keys in. And a few minutes later he came out of his office to find his (blonde) secretary sitting at her desk playing with his keys. “What are you doing?” He asked her. “Yesterday at your speech you said you had the KEY of success.”

Thanks to Alice Hunter

1) The water-proof towel

2) Solar powered flashlight

3) Submarine screen door

4) A book on how to read

5) Inflatable dart board

6) A dictionary index

7) Ejector seat in a helicopter

8 ) Powdered water

9) Pedal-powered wheel chair

10) Water-proof tea bag

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over.

When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.

He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde,

‘Stand in that circle and DON’T MOVE!’.

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, ‘Oh you think that’s funny? Watch this!’

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.

When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.

He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.

Now she’s laughing.

The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.

He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

‘What’s so funny?’ the truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, ‘Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped outside the circle!!

Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fishes.

One guy said to his friend, “Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow.”

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, “Did you mark that spot?”

His friend replied, “Yeah, I put a big ‘X’ on the bottom of the boat.”

The first one said, “You stupid fool! What if we don’t get that same boat today!?!?”

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She’s just skating along in her lycra shorts, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman. She decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, “I need a haircut.”

The hairdresser checks her out and says, “OK, sit down and take off your headphones.”

“No way!” shouts the blonde, “If I take off my headphones, I’ll die!”

“Then I can’t give you a haircut,” replies the hairdresser.

So the blonde gets up and leaves and skates further down the board-walk. She sees another salon, goes in, and says to the hairdresser, “I need a haircut… but you can’t take off my headphones or I’ll die!”

The hairdresser looks at her a little weird, but says, “OK, no problem. Have a seat.” So the blonde sits down and the hairdresser comes up behind her, and when she isn’t looking, he rips the headphones off her head.

Suddenly the blonde starts choking, and soon turns blue in the face, then keels over and dies right there in the salon chair.

The hairdresser is a little freaked by this. He leans over and cautiously listens into the blonde’s headphones and he hears…

“Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…”

There were 3 men in a bar (a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead). They were rather drunk, and the brunette decided to place a stupid bet.

“I bet I can collect more ping pong balls than you guys in one week!” he said. The blonde and the redhead both went for the challenge and said they would go for it. One week passed by.

The brunette returned to the bar first. Shortly after he got there, the redhead walked in. The brunette asked, “How many ping pong balls did you get? I got 150!” he gloated.

The redhead said, “I got 200! HA!! But where’s that blonde guy that was here? Have you seen him?”

“Nope.” said the brunette.

Just then, the blonde rolled in to the bar in a wheel chair. He had tow casts on his legs, a sling on his arm, and a neck brace.

“You look like crap!” said the redhead. “How many ping pong balls did you get?”

“What?! Ping pong balls? I thought you said King Kong’s balls!”

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.

They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, “I’ll get off.”

After a really touching speech from the brunette about how she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

Problem solved.

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blonde cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian’s head under his arm.

The barman shakes his hand and says, “I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children.” He then says, “If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I’ll give him one thousand dollars.”

The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head.

The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.

Suddenly, Jeff said, “Dave, take a look at this.”

Dave replied, “Not now, I’m busy.”

Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, “I really think you should look at this.”

Dave said, “Look, you can see I’m busy. There’s a thousand dollars in my hand.”

But Jeff was adamant. “Please, Dave, take a look at this.”

So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians.

Dave just shook his head and said, “Oh my God, we’re going to be millionaires!”

A blonde walked into the drug store to do some shopping. While walking around she kept noticing a shiny object behind the counter. When she went to pay, she asked the cashier, “What’s that shiny object behind the counter?”

The cashier told her, “That’s a thermos.”

The blonde asked her, “What does it do?”

The cashier told her, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

The blonde thought that was incredible, so she bought it. The next day at work her boss, another blonde, came to her desk and asked her, “What’s that shiny object?”

The blonde worker told her, “It is a thermos.”

Intrigued, the boss asked what it did. The worker told her that it kept hot things hot and cold things cold. Her boss then asked her what she had in it.

“Well, right now I have a popcicle and coffee in it.”

This beautiful blonde walks up to an officer and says, “Can you help me? I’ve locked my keys in my car.”

So the officer bends a coat hanger and feeds it through the window, moving it back and forth to catch the lock when suddenly, the other beautiful blonde sitting in the passenger seat says, “A little more to the left officer.”

A blonde man frantically calls 911 and says, “Help, my wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart!”

The 911 operator asks, “Is this her first child?”

To which the blonde replies, “Of course not you idiot, this is her husband!”

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nods.

“I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”