Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
Yes, pregnancy.

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, “Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.”

So the Doberman says, “I love liver and cheese.” The Collie replies, “That’s not good enough.”

The Bulldog says, “I hate liver and cheese.” She says, “That’s not creative enough.”

Finally, the Chihuahua says, “Liver alone . . . cheese mine.”

So there was this guy at the bar, and he looks over at this other guy sitting there who has a small one-foot man on the counter playing the piano. He scratches his head in wonder, then orders a beer.

Then the guy leans over and says, “If you rub that bottle over there, a genie will come out, and you can ask him for anything, and he will grant it to you.”

So the guy goes over to the bottle and rubs it and says, “I want to be rich.” And all of a sudden the guy grows this horrible nose with a wart on the end of it and some long ratty hair.

And the guy turns to the other guy at the bar and says, “I said I wanted to be rich, not be a witch!!!”

And the other guy looks at him and says “Do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist???”

Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer?
The family used it to crack nuts.

How do you make a dead baby float?
A tall glass of Fresca and two scoops of dead baby.

What is the most common pregnancy craving?
For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

What’s brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

What’s brown and bubbly and taps on the window?
A baby in a microwave.

What bounces up and down at 100 mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

What’s blue and yellow and is at the bottom of the pool?
A baby with slashed water-wings.

What’s black and sits in a corner?
A baby with it’s finger in a power point.

What’s black and bobs up and down?
A baby in a toaster.

What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
When you see teeth marks.

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