Category Archives: Aviation Jokes

World may be happy

Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans. Bill: “Why don’t I throw this hundred dollar bill out the window and make someone very happy.” Hillary: “Well, why don’t you throw ten… Read More »

A blind pilot is flying?

I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft,… Read More »

The Christmas airport

It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he… Read More »

Fearful of the bombs

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She… Read More »

There are lawyers on the flight

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers… Read More »

Trouble with plane engines

While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window. “Oh no!” he screamed, “One of the engines just blew up!” Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers… Read More »

Results of damage testing

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crack from the carcass impact, it’ll… Read More »

The Top Twenty Flight Advertising Slogans

1. BadAir: When you just can’t wait for the world to come to you. 2. BadAir: We’re Amtrak with wings. 3. Join our frequent near-miss program. 4. On flights, every section is a smoking section. 5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements. 6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin. 7. Are our jet… Read More »

There’s a parrot on the plane

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks “And get me a whisky you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is… Read More »