Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes

Why does a man have a clean conscience?

Because it’s never been used.

Two ladies meet:

-Me and my husband are no longer together…

why?

- well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no
job and always cusses?

No, of course I couldn’t

- well he couldn’t either!

The woman, who had a turn-up nose and was somewhat self-conscious concerning it, bought a new pug dog, and petted it so fondly as to excite the jealousy of her little daughter.

“How do you like your new little brother?” she asked the child teasingly.

The girl replied, rather maliciously, perhaps:

“He looks just like his muvver.”

A woman and her friend are sitting together having lunch after one of the women’s husband’s funeral service.
The friend asks the woman if her husband had any life insurance, and the widow answered her. “Well, he had $10,000 in life insurance, but it is all gone.”
“All gone?”, the friend asks, shocked.
“Yes”, said the widow.
”I don’t understand”, says the friend. “How did you already go through $10,000?”
“Well, it is really not as bad as you think.” says the widow.”I had to pay $5500 for his funeral and burial, $500 was donated to the church for the service, $1000 was what I spent on his suit, and $3000 was for the memorial stone.
Puzzled, the friend looks at the widow and says “That must have been a huge stone for $3000!”The widow answers: “Yeah, it was 3 carats!”