Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F.”

He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.”

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T-G-I-F” again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.”

The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly “T-G-I-F” another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, “S-H-I-T.”

The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, “T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It’s Friday, get it?”

The man answered, “Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.”

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into the village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he’ll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: “G’day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?”

Villager: “The dog doesn’t talk, you stupid Aussie.”

Ventriloquist: “Hello dog, how’s it going mate?”

Dog: “Doin’ all right.”

Villager: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: “Is this villager your owner?” (pointing at the villager)

Dog: “Yes”

Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”

Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”

Villager: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”

Villager: “Uh, the horse doesn’t talk either….I think.”

Ventriloquist: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”

Horse: “Cool”

Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: “Is this your owner?” (pointing at the villager)

Horse: “Yep”

Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”

Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.”

Villager: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”

Villager: “The sheep’s a liar!”