Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes

Q: What do you get when you stick 32 rednecks in one room?
A: A full set of teeth

You might be a redneck if one of your kids was born on a pool table!

Artery: Study of paintings
Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium: What to do when treatment fails
Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U
Ceasarean Section: District in Rome
Cat Scan: Searching for Kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Coma: Punctuation Mark
Congenital: Friendly
D & C: Where Washington is
Dilate: To live long
Enema: Not a friend
Fester: Quicker
Genital: Non-Jewish
Hang Nail: Coat Hook
Impotent: Distinguished, well known
Labor pain: Hurt at work
Morbid: Higher offer
Nitrate: Cheeper than day
Node: Was aware of
Outpatient: Person fainted
Post op: Letter Carrier
Recovery Room: Place to apholster
Rectum: Dang near Killed Him
Rheumatic: Amorous
Secretion: Hiding something
Tablet: Small table
Terminal Illness: Sick at Airport
Tibia: Country in North Africa
Tumor: More than One
Urine: Opposite of ‘you’re out’
Varicose: Nearby
Vein: Conceited

You might be a redneck if you use your ironing board as a buffet table.

You might be a redneck if you learned to drive in a monster truck!

You might be a redneck if you are working at a welfare office and are arrested for stealing food stamps.

You might be a redneck if you think a woman who is ”out of your league” bowls on a different night!

You might be a redneck if you spit chewing tobacco in the plants!

Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?
Doctor: Sell!

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him now. Next.

You might be a redneck if ”Bambi” made you hungry for rabbit!

A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, ”Dad, what happened to the birdie?”
His dad told him, ”Son, the bird died and went to heaven.”
Then the boy asked, ”Did God throw him back down?”

There was this lion who had just eaten a bull,and he felt good. He felt so good he opened his mouth and roared and roared. He roared until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral of the story is: when you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open.

Seeing the two church members at the door frustrated her. She stormed back to the door and flung it shut.

But the door still didn’t close. Furious, she grabbed the door with two hands and shoved it as hard as she could. But again, the door wouldn’t shut.

Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would really teach them a lesson.

Just then, one of the church members said, “Ma’am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat.”