Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes

Two factory workers were talking.
“I think I’ll take some time off from work.” said the man.
“How do you think you’ll do that?” said the blonde.
He proceeded to climb up to the rafters and hung from them
upside down.
The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling and asked him what on earth he was doing.

“I’m a light bulb” answered the guy.

“I think you need some time off,” said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory.

The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her “Where do you think you’re going?”

The blonde answered, “Home. I can’t work in the dark”.

There was an old man, a boy and a donkey. They were going to town and
it was decided that the boy should ride.

As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a
shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk. The old man and
boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they changed
positions.

Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real
shame for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided
that maybe they should both walk.

Soon they passed some people who thought that it was stupid to walk
when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the
best thing would be for them both to ride the donkey.

Soon, they passed a group who thought that it was a shame to put such
a load on a poor helpless animal. The old man and the boy decided
that maybe the critics were right so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he
fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story …

if you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.

A blonde executive was driving by a field one day when she saw a blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a dirt field. She drove over to her and said, “It’s idiots like you that give blondes a bad name, and if I could swim I would come over there and kick your ass!”

A blonde walks into a Pharmacy and asks a clerk for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist overhears and is a little bemused. He explains to the woman that they don’t sell bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

“I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.” We just have underarm deodorants.

“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.

“Do you have the container it comes in?”

“Yes!” said the blonde, “I will go and get it.”

About an hour later, she returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the deodorant back and reads out loud from the package,

One day, a blonde’s neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.

”I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!”

A businessman got on an elevator in a building. When he
entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by reciting the letters, “T-G-I-F.”

He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.” She looked at him, Puzzled, and said “T-G-I-F” again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.”The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said, as sweetly as possible, “T-G-I-F” another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a Quizzical expression, “S-H-I-T.”
The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, “T-G-I-F,Thank Goodness it’s Friday, get it?”

The man answered,”S-H-I-T: Sorry Honey, its Thursday.”

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.

They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, “I’ll get off.”

After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

She was so blonde…

She got stabbed in a shoot-out.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She told me to meet her at the corner of ‘walk’ and ‘don’t walk’.

She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.

She tried to drown a fish.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you’d get change back.

They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

Under ‘education’ on her job application, she put ‘Hooked On Phonics.’

She tripped over a cordless phone.

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where it says ‘sign here’, she put ‘Sagittarius.’

She asked for a price docket at the Dollar Store.

If she spoke her mind, she’d probably be speechless.

She studied for a blood test… and failed.

She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

She thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train.

She sold the car for gas money.

When she saw the ‘NC-17′ (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.

When she heard that 90 percent of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

~ she studied for a blood test.

~ she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

~ she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

~ she thought she needed a token to get on Soul train.

~ she sold the car for gas money.

~ when she saw the “NC-17″ (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.

~ when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

~ she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

~ when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said “Airport Left” she turned around and went home.

There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn’t be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.

After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. “What took you so long?” inquired the Redhead.

“There were some strong currents out there! But I’m here now! Am I the last?” replied the Brunette.

“No. Blondie is still out there somewhere.” They decided to wait.

Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde “What took you so long?”

“What do you expect? You guy’s cheated, replied the idignant blonde, “You used your hands!”

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in kindergarten; which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she is the only one that’s 18.

There is a blonde a brunette and a redhead all stuck on an island for about 1 year.

Until one day the brunette finds a lamp and rubs it real hard and a genie comes out.

The genie says “Since there are three of you, I will grant you all one separate wish, three total.”

First the brunette says, “I miss my boyfriend, I want to go see him and have wild sex!”

So she goes back to America and pops up in her boyfriend’s room and have wild sex.

Next the red head says, “I miss my family, I want to go back to America!” So she is back in America.

Then the blonde starts crying and crying and crying.
Finally the genie says in a very loud voice, “WHAT IS YOUR WISH?”

Then the blonde says, “I miss my friends bring them back please!”

One day, a blonde’s neighbour goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbour made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbour went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time.

”I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!”

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.

Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.

“Miss Smith,” he said finally, “it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination.”