Archive for October, 2007

Shoe Repair

Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.

“Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?” Arnold asked.

“Not very likely,” his wife said.

“It’s worth a try,” Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.

With a face just as straight, the man said, “Just a minute. I’ll have to look for these.”

He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, “Here they are!”

“No kidding?” Arnold called back. “That’s terrific! Who would have thought they’d still be here after all this time.”

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.

“They’ll be ready Thursday,” he said calmly.

Dead baby in the kitchen drawer

Why was the dead baby kept in the kitchen drawer?
The family used it to crack nuts.

Dead baby float

How do you make a dead baby float?
A tall glass of Fresca and two scoops of dead baby.

Common pregnancy craving

What is the most common pregnancy craving?
For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Brown and gurgles

What’s brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

Brown and bubbly

What’s brown and bubbly and taps on the window?
A baby in a microwave.

Bounces up and down

What bounces up and down at 100 mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.

Born with teeth

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Blue and yellow and at the bottom of the pool

What’s blue and yellow and is at the bottom of the pool?
A baby with slashed water-wings.

Blue and sits in a corner

What is blue and sits in a corner?
A baby playing with a baggie

Black and sits in a corner

What’s black and sits in a corner?
A baby with it’s finger in a power point.

Black and bobs up and down

What’s black and bobs up and down?
A baby in a toaster.

Best time to stop nursing

What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
When you see teeth marks.

Best time to get an epidural

When is the best time to get an epidural?
Right after you find out you’re pregnant