Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes

You might be a redneck if you think a woman who is ”out of your league” bowls on a different night!

You might be a redneck if you spit chewing tobacco in the plants!

The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.
89% of the people in 49 states said: ”Oh, shit!”
In Texas 94% said: ”Hold my beer. Watch this.”

If somebody accuses you of lying through your tooth, you might be a redneck.

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, “You’re right,that ‘hind-lick’ maneuver works like a charm.”

How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?

Three. One to eat it, and two to watch for cars.

One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, ”I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm… Chicken sure sounds good tonight.”

The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.

”Well I’ll tell you,” replied the man, ”If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack I’ll give them both to you.”

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice ripe old age.”

So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.

When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren

…and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.