Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes

George W. Bush was standing in an airport lobby when he noticed a man in a long flowing white robe, with long white hair and white beard. The man held a staff in one hand and had some stone tablets under his other arm.

Approaching the man, George W. inquired, “Pardon me, but aren’t you Moses?” Ignoring George W., the man stared at the ceiling.

Positioning himself more directly in the man’s view, George W. again asked, “Excuse me, aren’t you Moses?” Still the man continued staring at the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man’s sleeve and asked once more, “Aren’t you Moses?” Finally, the man responded in an aggravated tone, “Yes, I am!”

George W. then asked the man his reason for being so unfriendly and Moses replied, “The last time I spoke to a Bush, I ended up spending forty years in the desert.”

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, George W.Bush, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
“Gentlemen,” he began, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we’re about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!” With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. “Gentlemen,” he said, “I am the world’s greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world’s greatest athlete should have a parachute!” With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.
George W. Bush rose and said, “Gentlemen, I am supposed to be the President of the U.S. The world needs leaders, and I think leaders should have a parachute, too.” He grabbed one, and out he jumped.
The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. “My son,” he said, “I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane.”
The hippie smiled slowly and said, “Hey, don’t worry. The supposed leader of the free world just jumped out wearing my backpack.”

One night, George W. Bush was awakened by the ghost of George Washington.

Bush asked, “George, now that I have been elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?”

“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington.

The next night, Bush was awakened by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

“Tom, now that I am elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?” asked Bush.

“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” Jefferson advised.

The next night, Bush saw another figure moving in the shadows. This time it was the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

“Abe, now that I have been elected President, what is the best thing I can do for the country?” asked Bush.

“Go to the theatre!” Abe replied.

Al Gore and George W. Bush were seated for lunch in a Washington restaurant. The attractive waitress approached them to take their orders.

“I’ll have a ham sandwich,” said Gore.

“For you sir?” she asked Bush. “How about a quickie,” Bush replied.

“Governor!”, she exclaimed. “How rude, and to think, you’re not even President yet!”

As she stormed off, Gore leaned over the table and whispered to Bush, “George, it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

George W. Bush was standing in an airport lobby when he noticed a man in a long flowing white robe, with long white hair and white beard. The man held a staff in one hand and had some stone tablets under his other arm.

Approaching the man, George W. inquired, “Pardon me, but aren’t you Moses?” Ignoring George W., the man stared at the ceiling.

Positioning himself more directly in the man’s view, George W. again asked, “Excuse me, aren’t you Moses?” Still the man continued staring at the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man’s sleeve and asked once more, “Aren’t you Moses?” Finally, the man responded in an aggravated tone, “Yes, I am!”

George W. then asked the man his reason for being so unfriendly and Moses replied, “The last time I spoke to a Bush, I ended up spending forty years in the desert.”

Faker jet figher (faker jet fighter)…
(instrumental intro)
Shrub’s comin’ at em, with his tail hook.
Let’s give him jeers of spite; Bush is still a schnook.
The press will grovel to this man, in fear
Of his right wing mob.
But the world sees a faker jet fighter…
Faker jet fighter.
Mr. Smirk’s fake glory on TV was planned.
Of the world, Dull Knife doesn’t understand.
Dim Son is smirking: his regime’s for sale.
It’s a heady job, but the world sees
A faker jet fighter…
Faker jet fighter.
(instrumental break)
Pro-Bush crowds, Rove stages with his big spin crew.
They’ll be fighting wars ‘gainst the weakest, too.
War won’t take much longer; makes the Bushies smile.
Dr. StrangeRove found that Bush ought to be
A faker jet fighter…
Faker jet fighter.
Faker jet fighter (faker jet fighter)…
Yes, they really love him on the looney Right.
Donors making millions from Bush, overnight.
World’s trust, Bush spurned it; Bush will rule by fear.
But he’s still a fake; he’ll always be
A faker jet fighter…
Faker jet fighter…
Faker jet fighter (faker jet fighter)…
Faker jet fighter (faker jet fighter)…
Faker jet fighter (faker jet fighter)…
Faker jet fighter (faker jet fighter)…
Faker jet fighter.

Bush wants the whole world… in his hand.
Bush wants the whole wide world… in his hand.
Bush wants the whole world… in his hand.
Bush wants the whole world in his hand.
Bush wants a war for his father, understand?
Bush wants a war for his father, understand?
Bush wants a war for his father, understand?
Bush wants the whole world in his hand.
Bush wants to jail resisters, in his land.
Bush wants to jail resisters, in his land.
Bush wants to jail resisters, in his land.
Bush wants the whole world in his hand.
Bush wants to steal Iraq’s oil … from their land.
Bush wants to steal Iraq’s oil … from their land.
Bush wants to steal Iraq’s oil … from their land.
Bush wants the whole world in his hand.
Bush wants a world empire; dissent banned.
Bush wants a world empire; dissent banned.
Bush wants a world empire; dissent banned.
Bush wants the whole world in his hand.
Ignored the whole world for their stand.
Ignored the whole wide world for their stand.
Ignored the whole world for their stand.
Bush wants his war, just like he planned.

The winner in this year’s $1 million prize in the Pillsbury Bake-Off is a
Cream Cheese Brownie Pie created by Roberta Sonefeld from Hopkins, South
Carolina. This pie is so rich; George W. Bush asked it for a campaign
contribution.

During the Republican primaries, George W. Bush spent his campaign money at a rate of $200,000 a day and broke Bob Dole’s record for most money spent on an entire presidential campaign. He’s spending money so fast; a national organization of scorned women has made him an honorary ex-wife.

Thousands of people are expected for the 15th annual Burning Man festival this year in Black Rock Desert north of Reno, Nevada. This is the big hippie festival, where people run around naked, drink and get stoned, or as George W. Bush likes to call it, get ready to run for president.