Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.”

“We don’t have any.” replied the first blonde.

“Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses,” said the Game Warden.

“But officer,” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.”

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden. “Take all the debris you want.”

And with that, the Game Warden left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the other two. “Doesn’t he know that there are Steelheads in this river?”

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blonde cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian’s head under his arm.

The barman shakes his hand and says, “I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children.” He then says, “If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I’ll give him one thousand dollars.”

The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head.

The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.

Suddenly, Jeff said, “Dave, take a look at this.”

Dave replied, “Not now, I’m busy.”

Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, “I really think you should look at this.”

Dave said, “Look, you can see I’m busy. There’s a thousand dollars in my hand.”

But Jeff was adamant. “Please, Dave, take a look at this.”

So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians.

Dave just shook his head and said, “Oh my God, we’re going to be millionaires!”

A blonde walked into the drug store to do some shopping. While walking around she kept noticing a shiny object behind the counter. When she went to pay, she asked the cashier, “What’s that shiny object behind the counter?”

The cashier told her, “That’s a thermos.”

The blonde asked her, “What does it do?”

The cashier told her, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

The blonde thought that was incredible, so she bought it. The next day at work her boss, another blonde, came to her desk and asked her, “What’s that shiny object?”

The blonde worker told her, “It is a thermos.”

Intrigued, the boss asked what it did. The worker told her that it kept hot things hot and cold things cold. Her boss then asked her what she had in it.

“Well, right now I have a popcicle and coffee in it.”

This beautiful blonde walks up to an officer and says, “Can you help me? I’ve locked my keys in my car.”

So the officer bends a coat hanger and feeds it through the window, moving it back and forth to catch the lock when suddenly, the other beautiful blonde sitting in the passenger seat says, “A little more to the left officer.”

A blonde man frantically calls 911 and says, “Help, my wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart!”

The 911 operator asks, “Is this her first child?”

To which the blonde replies, “Of course not you idiot, this is her husband!”

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nods.

“I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”

There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo” she shouts, “how can I get to the other side?”

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, “You are on the other side.”

A blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of “yes/no” type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the questions for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet, “Yes” for Heads and “No” for Tails. Within half-an-hour she is all done where as the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and says, “What is going on?”

“I finished the exam in half-an-hour. But I’m rechecking my answers.”