An Asian guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen and walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen and gets $66. He asks the lady why he gets less money this week than last week. The lady says “Fluctuations”
The Asian guy storms out, and just before slamming the door, turns around and says: “Fluc you Amelicans too!”
Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.
The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: “Flag is flapping”
A more experienced monk said: “Wind is flapping”
A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: “Mind is flapping.”
The fourth monk who was the eldest said: “Mouths are flapping!”
Driving styles…………..
One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window
—-Sydney
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
—-Japan
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot
solidly on accelerator
—-Boston
Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on
brake, quivering in terror
—-New York
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator,
head turned to talk to someone in back seat
—-Italy
One hand on horn,
one hand greeting,
one ear on cell phone,
one ear listening to loud music,
foot on accelerator,
eyes on female pedestrians,
conversation with someone in next car
—- Welcome to India
One day, God sent three politicians, Clinton, Ghandi and Mahatir to Heaven by mistake. So he told them, ‘I’ve sent the three of you here too early. You aren’t suppose to die yet. Therefore, I’m going to send you back down and before that, you can ask me a question that you want to know about.’
So, Clinton asked ‘When is America going to become big and busy and rich?’
God answered, ‘Another 50 years.’
Clinton wept and threw a tantrum.
God asked him his reason for his behavior and Clinton said, ‘I’m afraid I don’t have that long a life to see that.’
Next, Ghandi asked, ‘When is India going to be big and busy and rich?’
God answered, ‘Another 100 years.’ Ghandi reacted as Clinton did and gave the same reason for acting that way.
Lastly, Mahatir asked, ‘When is Malaysia going to be big and busy and rich?’
This time, God wept.
A black man’s walking thru the jungle, hands scraping the ground, when all of a sudden he hears a distant sound…. ChangLingWang , WungChonLee
“What da fuck was that?” he says to himself. Then he keeps on strolling through the jungle. A few seconds later, he hears it again! Only much louder…PoeMangFu , WongTonChi
All of a sudden he comes across an open clearing, in the jungle, and he sees a beautiful pond about 50 ft. in front of him. And standing on the edge of the pond, he sees an Asian man. He then proceeds to walk towards this Asian and once upon him, he asks him whether he knows where that particular sound from the jungle is coming from.
“OOhhh, yes. You see, this is a magic pond that tell you your ANCESTORS names by skipping a rock on it. Watch and listen.” With that, the Asian throws the rock, and as it skips, the mystical noise is heard once again…WooLangChing , HungWongLo
The Asian then offers the black man a try, and hands him a rock. And with that, the black man throws the rock with all his might and as it skips, the mystical noise is heard once again………
Chim, Pan, Zee
A brief profile of men afflicted with “yellow fever”
ORIGINS: Asiaphiles are typically found residing in major U.S. cities, although increasing numbers have been venturing overseas in their quest to “get an oree-enul woman”.
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH: Intelligent, non-racist and socially-functional men who are free of fetishes and racial bias.
CHARACTER TRAITS:
- Poorly developed masculine identities, pathetically uncomfortable with themselves, inept at romance with women of their own race.
- Resentment of white females’ assertive, strong-willed personality traits (whether real or perceived).
- Ignorant and narrow-minded, eager to adopt fallacious western media stereotypes of Asian women.
- Desperate need to assume a dominant, father-like role in their relationships with women (ergo the similarity to pedophiles).
- Exaggerated perception and objectification of Asian females (and sometimes little boys).
- Uncanny ability to determine one’s breast size and country of origin within three seconds of sighting a potential AF target.
- A compulsion to trash women, particularly western women, in order to justify their inadequacies and bolster their self image.
- Insatiable appetite for Asian cultural trivia, which is used to camouflage/legitimize their underlying fetish (a superficial knowledge of Asian art impresses the shit outta the babes).
- Extreme paranoia and defensiveness regarding their relationships with AF’s (”What the hell are you looking at, you racist AM asshole?..”)
- Unable to accept non-whites or women as equals. Insistent racist stereotypers. Chauvinistic.
- Subconsciously attracted to tiny women because they make him feel powerful, and are less threatening to his fragile ego.
- Disdains ethnic studies; regards it as a waste of taxpayer’s money and an ultimate threat to white male privilege and cultural hegemony.
- Thinks that the poverty, prostitution and white cultural imperialism in certain Asian countries is a good deal while it lasts. Favorite holiday destination: Bangkok
- Enjoys playing “divide and conquer” mind games with naive, culturally-insecure AF’s (”don’t worry, Yoko, I won’t let those chauvinistic, abusive Japanese men hurt you anymore…”)
- Considers minimum age of marriage and minimum age of consent laws to be government intrusions of privacy.
- On visits to Asia as a (sex) tourist, expects every native AM to kowtow to him, massage his feet and play butler, while the native AF’s line up to show him the proper “lotus position” technique. He then considers himself “worldly” and an indisputable expert on asian people and culture.
- Considers the terms “chink, chinaman, jap, gook and slope” to be terms of endearment and certainly no reason to get offended.
- Believes that racism does not exist because he, as a WM, has never experienced it first hand.
- Gets a warm fuzzy feeling when watching those action flicks in which the white male hero invariably beats the shit out of ten AM ninjas and rescues the AF nympho from her evil, warlike AM oppressors.
- Believes that the only reason an Asian person would dislike him or disapprove of his exploitive, pathological relationships with Asian women is because they are racist.
- Associates with AM’s only when he is interested in meeting their sisters.
- Threatened and insecure in the presence of any culturally-perceptive Asian person or any AM not fitting his stereotype of the quiet, marginalized, “model minority” geek.
- Denial of all of the above.
TYPICAL ATTIRE: Anything trendy and mainstream-looking which conceals their obesity. Rolled-up sock placed strategically in crotch for added flair. Hairpiece by Earl’s Rugs ‘R Us. Note: attire may vary depending on the specific type of AF being targeted.
I.Q.: n/a (too low to measure)
NATURAL HABITAT: Personal ad columns (”SWM interested in ‘Asian culture’ seeks exotic SAF goddess”), college campuses, Asian language classes (a great pickup spot), Asian strip clubs, massage parlors and similar establishments, B-grade Kung-Fu flicks, trendy nightclubs (usually found necking with prepubescent AF FOB’s), seated on living room sofa drooling over latest Asian porn flick with remote control and tissues in hand, Asian internet forums (don’t ask me why), anywhere else frequented by AF’s. Often found still living with mom despite being past 40.
TYPICAL ASIAPHILE QUIPS:
“I’ve always only dated Oree-enul chicks. I don’t know why, I just have.”
“Race doesn’t matter. I just happen to dig chicks with silky black hair and smooth, porcelain-like skin. Anyone who doesn’t like it is a racist.”
“Ahh, those Oree-enul wimmin… are they perfect or what? No more corrupted American wimmin for me, no sirree… Gimme a fine oree-enul woman anytime.”
“Ooh, Mei Ling, you’re soooo sweet and demure, unlike them rude, uppity American women. Intelligent too. How’s about we go back to my place and talk temples?”
“Keiko, if you want to practice your English, maybe I can be your tutor?…”
(mouth frothing): “Masako, you remind me of my favorite ‘movie star’… would you please put on your cute little sailor suit, huh, would ya, pleeeze??”
“Hey Marty, you got the number of that place in Tokyo that sells the used panties?”
“Would you like some candy, little girl?…”
“I just returned from the “sex capital of the world”, good old Thailand and had an incredible trip – as usual. If you’re a single male who’s had his share of the stuck up women of the West, then come to Southeast Asia where the women will treat you with the attention and appreciation you deserve…”
PERSONAL GOAL (unfortunately unattainable): To end up with an intelligent, quality Asian woman who actually has some self esteem.
CLOSELY RELATED TO: Pedophiles, a fish out of water, rice queens (gay asiaphiles).
MEDIA REPRESENTATION: Woody Allen, Maury Povich, James Michener, Oliver Stone, Nicholas D. Kristof (NY Times reporter).
COUNTERPARTS: Whiggies…who else?
Asian women have always been exotic.
Two guys were arguing about the correct orientation of Japanese women’s sex organs. One said that Japanese women have their going from side to side, while the other said it goes vertical, just like everybody else. The argument went on for hours until they decided to settle it once and for all by going to another friend who has a Japanese wife. Surely, he should know! After being told of the subject of the argument, the friend quickly said: “Vertical, just like everybody else”, and I’ll prove it! Although suspecting that the duo would just feast their eyes on his wife’s pussy, he called his wife anyway and she appeared from the second floor bedroom. “Honey, take off your panties and slide down the banister” Like a good obedient wife, she obliged and mounted the banister.
On the way down there was a long screeeeeech, and she landed on the floor. See? Didn’t I tell you guys that its vertical, just like everybody else? The two scratched their heads in wonder. What does that prove, one asks? “If it were horizontal, the sound would have been, …..blub…blub….blub…blub
The story goes that there was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.
The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn’t know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store…
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What were you thinking?
Helloooooo, her husband speaks English!!!!!!!!