Funny Jokes – Blonde Jokes

There were two old buddies who continued to compete in karate tournaments well past their prime. One day, while relaxing after yet another competition, they were chatting and wondering if there is karate in heaven and made a pact that whoever passed away first would come back and let the other know.

About a week later one of the old Karateka passed away. About a month after that the surviving old Karateka was at yet another competition when all of a sudden he saw an apparition. Sure enough it was his old buddy who had come back to see him.

“Well, please tell me,” asked the surviving Karateka. “Are there karate competitions in heaven?”

“I have good news and bad news for you,” replied the apparition to his old karate buddy.
“The good news is that, yes, there are karate competitions in heaven.The bad news is that your first match is against Gichin Funakoshi the day after tomorrow.”

Teacher: “Johnny, put the word INFATUATION in a sentence”.
Johnny: “A Jap tourist walks into Pauline Hanson’s fish and chip shop, and asks her `How do you cook your chips?’, so Pauline tells him, `In fat you Asian’”.

Once upon a time three people were stranded out at sea – A Japanese, a Malaysian and an Indonesian. The boat started leaking and if they do not act fast they would all die.
The Japanese (as usual) was the first to take the initiative. He threw all his Japanese gizmo – CD player, hi-fi, radio off the boat. The Malaysian and the Indonesian looked at him in disbelief.
The Japanese said, “Don’t worry.. still got a lot more in my country.. BANZAIIIEE!”

But the boat was still sinking. The Indonesian without hesitation started throwing aboard all his baju batik, kain batik, keretek, etc., etc. He comforted the other two, “Don’t worry.. still have a lot more in my country, paknya”.

But still the boat was sinking. The Japanese and the Indonesian looked at the Malaysian. Suddenly, without any hesitation and with stride, the Malaysian threw the Indonesian overboard. The poor guy couldn’t swim and drowned. The Japanese was shocked. Said the Malaysian, “Don’t worry… still got a lot more in MY country!!!”.

(From the Second Generation Perspective)
Be a little more lenient on the 7PM curfew.
Don’t ask where the other point went when your child comes home with a 99 course grade on his/her report card.
Don’t “ai-ya” loudly at your kid’s dress habits. Don’t blatantly hint about the merits of Hah-phoo (Harvard), Yale-uh (Yale), Stan-phoo (Stanford), and Emeh-I-Tee (MIT).
Don’t reveal all the intimate details of your kid’s life to the entire Asian community.
Don’t ask your child, “What are you going to do with you life” if he/she majors in a non-science field.
Don’t give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
Don’t try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.
Incorporate other phrases besides “Did you study yet?” into your daily conversations with your children.
Don’t ask all your kid’s friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet.

Score 1600 on the SAT.
Play the violin or piano on the level of a concert performer.
Apply to and be accepted by 27 colleges.
Have three hobbies: studying, studying, and studying.
Go to a prestigious Ivy League university and win enough scholarship to pay for it.
Love classical music and detest talking on the telephone.
Become a Westinghouse, Presidential, and eventually a Rhodes Scholar.
Aspire to be a brain surgeon.
Marry Asian-American doctor and have perfect, successful children (grandkids for ahma and ah-gongh!)
Love to hear stories about your parents’ childhood…especially the one about walking 7 miles to school without shoes.

There is this good ol’ barber in some city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: “I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service.” The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: “I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service.” The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

An asian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and barber replies; “I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service.” The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there – a dozen asian waiting for a free haircut…

The kindergarten class had to come up with a sentence using the colors green, pink, and yellow. So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. But she forgot to call on the Samoan kid. So she asks him to please step up to the front of the class and recite his sentence.
So the Samoan boy went up to the front of the class and said, “The phone went green green green. I pink up the phone and say yellow”!

There were 3 men having soup together in a restaurant. One was white, the others were Asian and Jewish. They all found out that there was a fly in each of their soups.
The white guy was horrified and called the waiter to replace the soup.
The Asian guy saw what the white guy did, and said “such a waste of food.” He then spooned out the fly and threw it away.
The Jewish guy saw what both men did, and said “Such a waste of food.” He then picked the fly up with his fingers, squeezed the soup out of it and sucked it, then threw it away.