Play Better Golf 
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Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf, during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots, he said in frustration to his caddy, “I’d move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course.” “Try heaven,” said the caddy. “You’ve already moved most of the Earth.”
Advice from lawyers
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George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny’s mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon realizing that they were lost, George declared, “Lenny — we are going to have to lose some […]
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
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Q. What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A. Spot.
About Two Hours
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A drunken Irishman gets on a train and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork.
“About two hours,” says the conductor.
“Okay,” says the drunkard, “then how long is the trip between Cork to Limerick?”
The irate conductor says to the drunk “It’s still about two hours, laddie. Why’d ya […]
Mewseum
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Q: Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
A: To a mewseum.
Bad sex
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A wife is going through her husband’s closet one day when she finds a metal box. Inside the box she finds 3 golf balls and $20,000. She immediately goes downstairs and confronts him with it.
Wife: “What is this box for?”
Husband: “Well, every time we had bad sex I put a golf ball in […]
Who owns the cows?
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After his graduation from college, the son of a Spanish lawyer was considering his future. He went to his father and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner from which he could observe his father抯 activities and be introduced to his father抯 clients as a clerk. His observations would help him […]
Alligator’s Mouth
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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open […]
Whos Next?
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A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he commented, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”
“My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”
“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.
“Then in July,” the friend continued, “my father died, leaving me $50,000.”
“Wow. Two […]
The Outside.
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Q: What side of the dog has the most fur?
A: The Outside.