Automated Diagnosis 
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A man with stomach trouble wanted to try the newly introduced automated diagnosis machine at the shopping centre. He inserted his credit card an a urine sample as instructed, waited 30 seconds and then read the printout: “You have a tennis elbow”. The man was impressed, but at the same time annoyed as his arms […]
Wrong ISP
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TOP TEN SIGNS YOU PICKED THE WRONG INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER
1. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length of string.
2. You check out their address, and it’s a phone booth containing a Compaq portable and an acoustic coupler.
3. Their chief technical officer lives in a 10-foot-by-7-foot shack in the woods.
4. Their proud boast: “We’ve […]
The Blonde Heist
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Three women(a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde)got caught for heisting a bank.They went to trial and were all sentenced to death by the shooting squad.As the squad was ready to shoot, the general shouted:”Ready,set,…”,and the redhead shouts:”Hurricane!!”.The squad dropped their guns and ran for cover.The brunette was next and the general says:”Ready,set,…”,and the brunette […]
Tequllia And Tall Buildings Dont Mix
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These two guys (as drunk as the bush twins) are sitting in a bar. One turns to the other and says “You know, there’s this one area on the top of the Empire State Building where the updraft is so strong that if you jump off, you’ll just float there for a few seconds, and […]
Dog Phone
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The British Phone System
It is common practice in England to ring a telephone by signaling extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line […]
Two In One Grave?
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A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”
“Of course not, dear,” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?”
“The tombstone back there said…
‘Here […]
The following are new Windows…
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The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3. Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
5. This will […]
Just the Fax
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Q: How do you know that a blonde sent you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
Man walks out of a bar
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One day a man walked out of a bar after
Having a good few drinks, and jumped into
His car whereupon he was immediately
Confronted by a police officer.
“Your eyes are bloodshot, have you been
Drinking?” said the police officer.
“Well I don’ know sir, your eyes are glazed,
Have you been eatin’ donuts?”
Lion Tamer
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Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, “I’m going to become a lion tamer.”
The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”
“Yes I do!”
“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?”
“Well, then I take that big chair they […]